<![CDATA[Karine L. Toussaint, Ph.D. - Blog]]>Sat, 13 Jul 2024 10:02:12 -0400Weebly<![CDATA[The Maker Movement]]>Fri, 11 Jul 2014 21:24:13 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/the-maker-movementI recently became aware of a movement called "Making," started in 2005 by Dale Dougherty, which brings together inventors, tinkerers, artists, musicians, techies, crafters, scientists, and many more, all focused on the joy of creating. 

I happened across an issue of Make: magazine from May 2014 and was blown away by an article called "What sticks about play and bricks - Every child is a natural-born maker" by Steve Davee. What drew me to this article was the description of a group of children playing with bricks in a back yard. These children not only learned about brick building, architecture, the scientific process, and physics, but also about problem-solving, communication, cooperation, and socializing - all without the interference or influence of the adults observing from afar! In one afternoon they learned valuable life lessons while having fun.

I worry that in this world of handheld electronic devices, fear of dirt, and pre-set Lego kits, we aren't getting a chance to really explore our creativity and learn from doing the way past generations did. I often see nostalgia-filled Facebook posts and articles about "back in the day" when you would be outside all day, skinning knees, playing in ponds, or exploring life with nothing but your friends and your imagination. I hear parents talk about kids being over-scheduled with activities, or kids believing that having a thriving social media account is the same as having friends you can count on IRL (In Real Life). Finally, as a parent, I understand the powerful drive to protect your child and keep them safe. But I also wonder about what our children may be missing out on.

I'm not suggesting that life was actually better or worse "back in the day." I'm simply mirroring some of the complaints I've heard. As with everything else in life, there is no clear right or wrong, no black or white answer, and all of you will have different opinions about how to raise your child, as you should. I'm not pretending to be a parenting "expert," but I wanted to introduce you to this Maker Movement as a fun and educational way to explore the world again - for yourself or with your child. 

The movement even got recent attention from the White House: President Obama declared June 18th 2014 a National Day of Making, and hosted a Mini Maker Faire at the White House. To be a fly on that wall! You can see his proclamation here, or see photos and more information about the event here.

In summary, these sound like amazing opportunities for children (and adults) to tap into their creative sides and learn much about life - be it science, technology, biology, psychology, or even success, failure, frustration-tolerance, and joy. Check out the magazine, the free Maker Camps for kids, the worldwide spread of the Maker Faires, and the efforts the Maker group is putting into getting these concepts introduced into the school system. Now, I'm going to see if there's a Maker Faire anywhere around here!

]]><![CDATA[Self care through crafting]]>Wed, 11 Jun 2014 21:45:11 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/self-care-through-craftingAs my clients can attest to, I often talk to them about self-care through pleasurable activities or hobbies. I encourage them to think about what used to put a smile on their face before they became depressed or plagued with stress, and tell them that they should try to include it in their life again. I tell them it's important to do this even if they aren't experiencing their usual positive reaction to it right away. I explain how our brains release dopamine when we do something pleasurable, and even if our hobby doesn't make us as happy as it used to, they're getting a small release of dopamine just doing it. Each tiny burst of dopamine then adds up to some non-medication anti-depressants. We talk about movies, music, crafts, nature walks, bike rides, reading, cooking, and even meditating, depending on what people prefer. 

Sometimes this leads to a discussion on how getting into an activity can be like meditating, which is especially useful for those of us who don't do well with sitting in silence as a classic form of meditation. We talk about the concept of "flow" as first described by Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (though never remember how to say his name correctly). An oversimplification of the flow concept may be that as we engage in a hobby or activity and get engrossed in it, the rest of the world takes a backseat and we are actually getting the benefits of meditation even though we aren't "meditating" in the traditional sense. It's a beautiful concept, and one that many clients admit having experienced. It's being mindful, peaceful, and focused through our activity, giving ourselves a dopamine boost to boot.

An article recently came out on CNN.com that actually supports these discussions with science! In March 2014 (updated January 2015), Jacque Wilson published the article "This is your brain on crafting" and discusses the research that supports the benefits of crafting on the brain, well-being, happiness and aging. Dr. Csikszentmihalyi and flow are mentioned, as is dopamine. It's interesting to note that the emphasis is on creative activities in this article, though reading and playing games are also mentioned as good for the brain.

Now you have an excuse to try that new recipe, new pattern, or new craft, beyond what I may suggest you do! Do it for you, do it for your brain, or do it for your family - you will all benefit from you feeling better.]]><![CDATA[Back from college for the summer]]>Fri, 16 May 2014 17:29:27 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/back-from-college-for-the-summerAs May comes to a close, families all around the country are facing the challenge of how to deal when college students return to their home for the summer break. Both parents and “children” struggle with this.

College students often have a hard time going from a life of independence at school, to one with increased rules and expectations at home. 

These young adults also often miss the friends and relationships they built at school, as well as the comfort of their routines. 

Personal space is vastly different between school and home, and some students may have even lost their bedrooms entirely - to a sibling, to the exercise equipment, or to a parent’s hobby! 

Relationships with family members may also feel different: after a year of independence and new experiences, the young adult may see his/her/their parents in a new light, or interact with his/her/their siblings in a new way. 

In some cases, home life may have changed subtly as parents have become more or less “clingy” with their absent child, or the family dynamics shifted while they were gone (as they are wont to do) and the student may feel a little left out of the new flow. In other cases, home life may have shifted drastically and the parents are no longer together now that the kid(s) have left home. 

All in all, there are a multitude of reasons why coming home from college can be a challenge for young adults.



It’s not much easier for parents either. They often struggle with understanding who this new person is and how much their child has changed. Their child may exhibit a new look, or a new sleep/wake schedule. Their child may chafe at being home and seem “homesick” for school, making the parent feel slighted or unimportant. 

The parent may have a hard time balancing prying for information versus sharing genuine interest in order to find out how school was and what the summer plan may be. 

Parents also sometimes come up against the reality of their child being back home, as opposed to the fantasy they had of what the homecoming might be like. 

Some parents may also find that having their child home cramps their style, so to speak, and disturbs their new lifestyle, be it borrowing the car, waking them up when they get home at 2am, or keeping a running commentary on how things are done and could be done better/differently.

A common point of contention for parents and children is how to deal with chores and house rules, perhaps having to avoid the pitfalls of falling into old habits, and make space to create new ones. Every family is different, and every parent-child relationship varies along a continuum in regards to control, trust, mutual respect, and house rules. Some families will have little trouble transitioning to more freedom after the first year of college because they were already heading there in high school. Others will need a lot of trust-building to get to a place of mutual respect. 

Here are a few ideas for handling this summer, regardless of where your family falls on these continuums:

  • Try to communicate either before the student returns home about expectations, or as soon as possible after their return. 
 
  • Try to include in the discussion expectations about common issues such as money (summer jobs, allowances, etc.); curfews (is there one? Why? Is a text expected if you’re not coming home for the night - either of you?); laundry; groceries and cooking; house chores; noise levels (there are limits on campus too); visitors (is a heads up appreciated? Overnight guests?); or borrowing the car. These are just a few of the major topics that arise.
 
  • Try to come from a place of mutual respect. Parents: think about what the student’s life was like at school, or better yet, ask them about it. Students: try to remember your parents weren’t around for a lot of your growing and handling responsibilities at school. Put yourself in each other’s shoes and negotiate with respect.
 
  • Keep each other in the loop as much as you’re comfortable with. Students: you may not like having to tell your parent(s) when you’re coming home, but then again you may scare them half to death if you set off the alarm, get the dog barking, or bang into a piece of furniture downstairs at 1:30am when they’re used to the house being quiet. Also, they may worry about your safety (whether you like it or not) because they care about you. Parents: your child is now a young adult with a wild schedule. You will have to adapt to it to some extent and accept that she/he/they is no longer your little baby. 

All in all, try to remember that while you are all essentially the same person, it’s only natural for you to have changed a bit after this momentous life experience. This applies to both parents and students! Be patient, be flexible, and communicate as much as you can. Maybe you’ll all survive this with the minimum of trauma.

Finally, for a few laughs, here’s a very tongue-in-cheek guide for parents welcoming college students back home for the summer, based on “science”, by the folks at UCDavis. Enjoy. 

]]><![CDATA[Need some motivation for exercise?]]>Wed, 02 Apr 2014 19:17:00 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/need-some-motivation-for-exerciseFinding that motivation to get some exercise on a regular basis can be challenging. We always have good reasons to skip it: I gotta feed the kids, I had to work late, I'm too exhausted, or I can't miss tonight's episode of ----.  We will always have excuses and barriers until we decide it's time for a real change - like any challenging behavior change!  So if you're considering making that change and want a little extra motivation, or you're still on the fence but open to some research results, read on. This past month alone, 4 online articles describe the advantages of exercise along the lifespan:

1- PsychCentral posted Dr. Nauert's article Exercise Improves Mental Health of Overweight Teens, where he shows that just two 60-minute exercise sessions a week (and they seem fun) can make a significant impact on teens.

2- Penn State found that Exercise Boosts Satisfaction with Life. They found that while 18-25 year olds tend to have a volatile sense of well-being due to their life stressors and events, increasing their daily activity just a little longer and a little harder every day boosted their satisfaction with life.

3- University of Montreal researchers found that Sport Makes Middle-Aged People Smarter!  They found that when their group of middle-aged individuals exercised 4 times a week, and two of those times were High Intensity Interval workouts (which, by the way, can be done in 15 minutes!), they not only got into better shape but also scored higher on cognitive tests.

4- Finally, an article by Alexandra Sifferlin on the TIME website shared how Exercise Trumps Brain Games in Keeping our Minds Intact. Research has shown for years that keeping our minds active as we age helps us retain our cognitive functions for longer. Now research is showing that exercise does even more to help! 

If you ever want help with your motivation to make a change, or want help coming up with a realistic plan of action, I'd be happy to help.]]><![CDATA[How to read a nutritional label]]>Wed, 05 Mar 2014 23:56:02 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/how-to-read-a-nutritional-labelLack of time and lack of funds are the two biggest reasons we opt to eat convenient foods rather than fresh foods. While I’m a big proponent of eating healthy, fresh, and if possible, organic, I know even I can’t manage that every single day. So what do you do when you just have to get a frozen meal or a processed snack? Be sure to read the labels so you know what you’re actually putting in your body. 

The American Heart Association has a great webpage that can give you a basic intro to this skill: https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/healthy-eating/eat-smart/nutrition-basics/understanding-food-nutrition-labels.

Their graphic is clear and easy to read, and their tips are spot on with what nutritionists and doctors have shared with me over the years. Just in case you don’t make it to the bottom of their webpage, I want to highlight a couple of things for you here.

The first thing to realize is that the nutritional label will apply to only one serving, and there may be more than one serving in a container.  If you’re eating crackers, then that’s obvious. But if you’re drinking a sports or vitamin enriched beverage, then beware! Your light 50 calorie drink will suddenly turn to into a hefty 250 calorie per bottle once you do the servings per bottle math.

My second caution for you is to remember that whatever is written on the box in big bold letters is likely to be marketing, and thus, not entirely accurate. For example, if a product says it’s trans fat free, check to see if the ingredient list says “partially hydrogenated oil,” because that’s code for trans fats. If that is in the ingredient list, then the marketing isn’t technically true. How are they getting away with this untruth? Because technically if there’s less than 0.5 grams of the stuff per serving, then they can say it’s trans fat free. They don’t need to add that if you have more than one serving, then there’s more trans fats - I mean, they need to be able to sell their product after all! Honestly though, how many of us eat only one serving of crackers or cookies or chips at a time?! 

Another example is if you’re trying to eat whole grains and you see a cereal box that boasts that it’s made with whole grains, read the ingredient list! The ingredients are always listed in order of decreasing weight. For example, bread will likely have flour listed first, and something like salt listed last. If your “whole grain” food doesn’t have its whole grain listed first or second, then there’s no telling how much you’re really getting, and it’s like saying that my chocolate bar is made with wholesome milk... Well, yes, there’s milk products in my chocolate bar, but that doesn’t make it healthy. Don’t trust the advertising!

So what’s the take-home lesson today? If you’re not going to go fresh and organic, then for your sake, please make a habit of reading the nutritional label and the ingredient list. If you want any help with this, or have any additional questions, I’ll be happy to help - either by sharing with you what I’ve been taught, or referring you to someone who’s more of a nutritional expert than I. 

]]><![CDATA[Healthy Sleep Facts]]>Wed, 05 Feb 2014 22:14:35 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/october-17th-2012This weekend I had the pleasure to attend Dr. Catherine Schuman’s fascinating presentation “Integrating Sleep Management Into Clinical Practice” at the annual Massachusetts Psychological Association conference. Dr. Schuman was the Director of of Behavioral Medicine and Behavioral Medicine Training at Cambridge Health Alliance, Assistant Professor at Harvard Medical School, and has been an expert on sleep for many years. I wanted to share with you some of the very interesting facts she talked to us about, and hope this will motivate you to stop shortchanging yourself on sleep.

  • Insufficient sleep is associated with mood and cognitive disturbances, behavioral and academic problems, the onset of diabetes, lowered metabolism, high levels of cortisol, and increased hunger paired with a decreased ability to burn calories (how cruel!), among other things. (For more info you can also watch the 60 Minutes video from my previous post.)

  • We go through 3 stages of sleep - the first lasts just a few seconds or minutes and is the transition to sleeping. The second is a sounder sleep. And the third stage is the “deep” sleep we all need to recuperate and heal. If are deprived of our deep sleep, as you saw in the 60 Minutes video, we can get into big big trouble.

  • Until the age of 3, humans have a 50 minute sleep cycle. This means that infants and toddlers will go through a full round of sleep stages and then wake up every 50 minutes. Children 6 years old and older, as well as adults, have a sleep cycle of 90 minutes. Do the math and that means that if we wake up to soothe our infants and toddlers every time they wake up during the night, we will never reach our stage 3 sleep!! Take-away lesson? Train your infants early to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own so that you only need to get up when they need to eat or be changed. Tip: don’t train them to fall asleep in your arms! When they get drowsy and start nodding off, put them to bed.

  • How much sleep do we need? Newborns need 10-19 hrs every 24 hrs. Infants need 9-10 hrs/night, plus 3-4 hrs/day in naps. Toddlers need 9.5-10.5 hrs/night plus 2-3 hrs/day in naps. Preschoolers and 6-12 year olds need 9-10 hrs/night. Adolescents need 9-9.5 hrs/night. And finally, adults need 7-9 hours of sleep per night.  

  • Clients tell me over and over that they have adapted to having less than 7 hrs/night of sleep, but ALL the research out there says humans cannot function on less than 7 hrs in the long term. If you try to do it for more than a couple days in a row, your body will begin to show the signs of sleep deprivation and you will begin to suffer - physically and mentally. If you don’t get your deep sleep regularly, your body will reset itself and make you sleep, and all you can do is hope it’s not while you’re driving or in a meeting with your boss.

  • Some medications and substances will disrupt your sleep: alcohol, caffeine, diet pills, Ritalin, steroids, albuterol, theophylline, quinidine, and many others. Check with your doctor or pharmacist to see if your meds are the problem, and limit your alcohol and caffeine intake.


So ask yourself - are you drowsy or overtired during the day? Do you have problems going to sleep or staying asleep? Do you snore or have any unusual behaviors during the night? Do you wake up gasping for breath? Do you fall asleep easily during quiet moments in the day time? If you’ve answered yes to even one question, you may have a sleep problem. I encourage you to take this seriously, talk to a professional, and make time in your schedule for sleep, just as you would for healthy diets and exercise.

]]><![CDATA[The terrible impact of sleep deprivation]]>Wed, 01 Jan 2014 15:23:54 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/the-terrible-impact-of-sleep-deprivationAs a society, many of us strive to sleep less in order to achieve more. With work, relationships, children, chores, errands and commuting, we believe we just don’t have enough time in our day to sleep. However, we also don’t realize the terrible negative effect cumulative sleep deprivation is having on our physical and mental health!  

I’ve had countless clients tell me they’re fine sleeping 4-7 hours a night, and have “adapted” to living with little sleep. Yet here they are, in my office, anxious, depressed, overweight, and/or physically ill. It seems they don’t realize how truly devastating it is to our bodies when we don’t make the time to sleep.

In March 2008, the CBS show 60 Minutes did an excellent exposé on the effects of sleep deprivation.  I really encourage you to watch it: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-science-of-sleep/. It’s only 25 minutes long, and shows the research that has been done on the impact of sleep on cognitive abilities, learning, reaction times, appetite, diabetes, obesity, heart disease, and sex.  

The findings are truly sobering, and I hope it will help you realize that you absolutely need to make time for sleep in your schedule, no matter how much you have on your plate. If you don’t sleep, you really will pay for it dearly.]]><![CDATA[Decision Fatigue]]>Wed, 04 Dec 2013 19:06:14 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/decision-fatigueI recently heard about this new concept: Decision Fatigue, a.k.a. Ego Depletion. According the the New York Times, John Tierney is the co-author, with the social psychologist Roy Baumeister, of the New York Times best-seller, Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength (Penguin Press, 2011). An excerpt, “Do You Suffer from Decision Fatigue?” ran in Times Magazine, it was reviewed in the Times by Steven Pinker, and named one of Amazon’s Best Books of 2011.

It offers a fascinating explanation to why we lag on our diets at the end of the day, feel burnt-out and crave sugar mid-afternoon, or why we might make poor decisions and feel overwhelmed if we’ve been asked to make too many decisions or we exercised great self-control. Hint: we have a finite amount of willpower to use everyday, and if we don’t choose our battles, learn to make the most of what energies we have, and/or learn to grow our willpower, we end up doing things we regret. 

I highly recommend you check this out. 



FOLLOW UP NOTE:


Someone sent me this email in regards to this blog post, and I wanted to share it with you since it's spot on:

"--While on the plane, I read a story by Michael Lewis about Barack Obama with whom he'd spent a good deal of time. One of the things they discussed was decision-making. Here's the paragraph from the article, on page 4:
This time he covered a lot more ground and was willing to talk about the mundane details of presidential existence. “You have to exercise,” he said, for instance. “Or at some point you’ll just break down.” You also need to remove from your life the day-to-day problems that absorb most people for meaningful parts of their day. “You’ll see I wear only gray or blue suits,” he said. “I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.” He mentioned research that shows the simple act of making decisions degrades one’s ability to make further decisions. It’s why shopping is so exhausting. “You need to focus your decision-making energy. You need to routinize yourself. You can’t be going through the day distracted by trivia.” The self-discipline he believes is required to do the job well comes at a high price. “You can’t wander around,” he said. “It’s much harder to be surprised. You don’t have those moments of serendipity. You don’t bump into a friend in a restaurant you haven’t seen in years. The loss of anonymity and the loss of surprise is an unnatural state. You adapt to it, but you don’t get used to it—at least I don’t.”
-- If you want to read the whole article, here's the link:
http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/2012/10/michael-lewis-profile-barack-obama
]]><![CDATA[How to help a grieving friend]]>Wed, 06 Nov 2013 17:49:43 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/how-to-help-a-grieving-friendThis is a letter I sent to an inquiring stranger who asked me for advice via my webpage. She wanted to know how to help a friend of hers whose husband just died. I thought I’d post this here since it contains useful information for anyone trying to help a grieving friend. 

“I'm sorry to hear of your friend's loss, and commend you for caring so much for her that you are researching and reaching out for help - you are a good friend. 
Alas, there is never an easy answer to an inquiry like yours, especially since I don't know either of you. People can vary so much in their grief - what they will or won't talk about, who they'll lean on, how they are actually experiencing their loss, and how they handle the loss day-to-day. 

A first rule of thumb when supporting our grieving friends is to follow their lead - do they want to talk? Do they want to be distracted? Do they just want company? Do they want help with their chores? While talking about our feelings can be very helpful, you can also offer support in more ways than talking about the hard stuff.  

A second rule of thumb that may be useful to you is to practice active listening. Supporting a grieving loved one can be challenging, and it's very hard to see them in so much pain. Our instinct to help sometimes gets in the way, and instead of truly listening to what they want, we try to fill the silence and offer them what we think will help. The catch here is that we know ourselves best, so our first instinct is to tell them what we think would help us if we were in their shoes. Alas, that sometimes backfires since what might comfort you may not comfort your friend. So practice sitting with the silence and letting her fill it - then you'll have a better sense of what she wants. 

This also brings up the important point that you should take good care of yourself while you take care of her. This is a trauma for you as well, and being there for her may be draining for you. If you want to be there for her in the long-haul, pace yourself and make sure you have support as well. The last thing you want to do is burn out.

Finally, a last rule of thumb is that grief changes over time. This means that what your friend will be experiencing, and what she will need, will change over the course of the next few days, weeks, and months. So if your friend isn't comfortable talking about her thoughts and feelings now, she may be later. One of the things grieving people tell me all the time is that they get a lot of attention and support in the first couple of months, and then people disappear. So hang in there - if she's not ready to talk now, be patient and check in with her periodically.

With all that said, I think you were looking for some prompts to use too? If she does want to talk, it may be as simple as asking her "How are you holding up today?" or "How are the kids today?";  Or you could open it up with a statement such as "I was just thinking of John today when [fill in anecdote]." Or "I miss John. I can't imagine how you feel." Or share a good memory of him, and see if she goes with that. As long as you keep in mind the general rules of thumb, you don't start speaking in clichés, and your friend feels your support by her side, then you've done well.

I hope this was helpful. Don't hesitate to be in touch if I can be of further assistance, or if your questions wasn't fully covered. I wish you and your friend all the best on this difficult journey.”
]]><![CDATA[Tool to kick start the relaxation response]]>Wed, 02 Oct 2013 17:17:42 GMThttps://kltgriefcounseling.com/blog/tool-to-kick-start-the-relaxation-responseMany clients come to me with a lot of anxiety, panic attacks, difficulty falling asleep, or feeling keyed up. One of the things we talk about is the "stress response" and its effects on the body - both short term and long term. Then we talk about how to induce the "relaxation response" and how controlling your breathing can achieve that. I've decided to share my handout on this breathing technique so you can use it too.

Breathing exercise to trigger the relaxation response

As you learn how to use this technique, it is helpful to find a comfortable place to sit where you can close your eyes. Once you’ve mastered this technique and are able to trigger the relaxation response through breathing, you will be able to use it anytime and anywhere.

Second, it is also helpful to visualize a place that feels safe and peaceful to you so that while you are trying to calm yourself down, you have a place you can imagine yourself in. For example, you could be lounging on a beach watching the waves, hiking through a forest, sitting atop a mountain, or hiding under the sheets in your bed. Any scenario works as long as it’s your safe space.

Third, some people also benefit from thinking of some positive thoughts or positive statements while they do this breathing exercise. It is not unusual for our minds to wander back to whatever is making us anxious, so you can use these positive thoughts to redirect your attention back to your breathing. For example, if you’re worrying that you’ll never calm down, or that the breathing won’t help, replace those thoughts with positive ones such as “this too shall pass,” or “I am in control,” or “calm calm calm.” 

Finally, as you breathe, try to keep your breathing smooth and try to breathe using your whole abdomen - lungs and belly. When we are anxious, our body breathes shallow and only from the lungs, so placing a hand on your belly to remind yourself to take full breaths is helpful.

So here is the exercise: close your eyes, think of your safe place, and breathe in slowly while counting in your head. When your lungs and belly are comfortably full, breathe out slowly to the same count. How deep the breath is doesn’t matter - it will naturally get deeper as the relaxation response kicks in - don’t waste energy worrying about that. All that matters is that the breath in is the same length as the breath out. 

Don’t worry if it seems too complicated to do all at the same time - the visualizing and the positive thinking and the counting. Use whichever aspects of this exercise work for you. Some people don’t need to count, and some people are distracted by the visualizing. Some people combine these together, like counting with a positive thought “one calm two calm three calm.” These are guidelines to help you figure out what will work for you.

I recommend practicing this twice a day - once when you get up, or sometime during the day, and once before bed. The more you practice it, the easier it’ll become, and this will be a tool you can use in any stressful, anxiety provoking, or angering situation from here on out.  

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you have any questions or concerns about this technique.]]>